y

its eaiser being alone. alone. much easier. i wouldnt trade it for anything right now.

you should have called

you are the one person who got me. by that i mean really understood me. i dont know if it was the youthful love that we were wrapped up in, or because you truely comprehend why i am the way i am. my sisters do not get me. they do not really understand me inside and out. my dad doesnt get me. my mom, well she gets me better than anyone, but not the way you did. i want to have a night with you. you and me being intimate may be the reason why i feel like you are the only person out there for me to talk to right now. i want to see you. you didnt call today. why didnt you call. i miss you. im sick of you being different. i want you to be like you used to be. in love with me. i do not want to be with you. i want to have a night with you, i want just one night of someone else understanding me.
i wonder if you know that i understand you as well. i really do. i know who you were, why you grew, and why you are you now.
my babble doesnt make sence. it would to you. thank you. you should have called

feel his disease

I am not ok. Im a young, wonderfully full of life young adult with the world at her fingertips. I sing loud in my car. I dance when im happy. I smile at random passerbys. But I am not ok.
who really is today? our culture sure is a pained and distrought one.
more to come

Watching the children play on my apartment grass was a wonderful experience. Not only do they have the biggest imaginations, but they also have the lightest hearts and carefree attitudes. Its amazing how the roles are played out by age, and you know who's the oldest. It brought my back to my childhood days, playing in the street with all the neighbors and making fun out of everything. Society trains us to be mature once we begin having responsibilities, and with this maturity results in a loss of imagination.
Making an imaginary play setting outside on the lawn really inspired me. No drugs, no alcohol, no inappropriate language. Just REAL fun with REAL people. Everyone comes as they are, no pretending, no bullshit, no fronts. REAL. Children are the most amazing beings. There naive souls and brilliant minds. If we kept on to the imagination while we grew up, we would live in a much brighter world. :)
Carefree is the way to be.

lovely advice

“You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.” “…if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears…”

excerpts from the prophet..

i wish i would have known this before. you live and you learn..:)

life is so simple right now. too simple. i feel this burning itching desire for love lately. i long for it when im singing in my car, when im riding down to the beach, laying in my bed watching the latest comedy. yesterday as i was laying on the sand reading my novel watching the surf as the sun slowly went down. it felt perfect. life is so beautiful. and it would be even more beautiful with someone by my side. maybe. sometimes not. maybe im just a dreamer. im told i am. i still belive in the pureness of love, no matter how i have been betrayed.

live and learn. LOVE it.

the one thing that i long for which should be the easiest to acheive is not in my grasp. it is not a man, it is not a thing, it is not sucess or money. i grew up with it, i know it inside and out. i know where it came from and i affect the way that it works. but i cannot grasp it, i long for the day when i can. one day we will be close, know each others secrets and desires, get drunk together and be each others bridesmaids. but until then.

keep family close. closer then anyone. in the end your family is all that you can depend on. they know you. they love you. they are part of you. hang on to them and never let them go. once they go it is hard to get them back.

Sometimes i think to much. then i start to contradict myself. back and forth as a constant moving continuim, i cannot stop. Struggles weather to settle and maintain the life I live, or exceed with only uncharted waters ahead. Do I live according to your standards and expectations? no. You tell me its not ok, its not ok to do what im doing. I will be punished later on. well then SO be it. --

Today was a great day. A walk on the windy beach made me realize just how happy I am to be alive in this vibrant era. One where we live and judge and grow and learn from what we see. And what is it that we see as I walk along the windy beach? People. Happy people, healthy people, lively people. People in love everywhere you look, makes me smile. What a great life..:) gotta go get ready for tonight. PEACE-AB